i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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