The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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