Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
