:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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