no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
