I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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