So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
