Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
