I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As shirtless as possible
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
