Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
