I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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