Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
