Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
