we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
