matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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