it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
