She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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