hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
