Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
