Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
