so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
