You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He did a backflip because drugs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
