Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
