I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
