got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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