Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
