I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
