You can't motorboat a personality
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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