I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
