Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
