I looked at my own cervix.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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