im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
