i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
