I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
