I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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