somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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