she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
