wanna go halves on a baby?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
