is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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