God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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