I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
