THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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