apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
