I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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