i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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