I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
