not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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