You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
