He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
