She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
should my penis look like a turkey
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
