I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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