Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
whose parrot is this?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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