Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
