HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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