Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize