So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
