Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
