just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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