I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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