I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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