Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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