im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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