then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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