I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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