If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
