oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
