It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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