I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
