i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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