HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize