so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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