found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
